Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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