I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
