i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
