i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize