it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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