A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if i can run in heels then i can drive
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
