so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
