Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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