Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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