guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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