Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
