My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
