He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
