go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
