Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is dick and wine.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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