dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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