he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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