Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
