yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
