Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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