I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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