Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
