so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
