If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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