Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
