Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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