my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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