You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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