There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
