i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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