if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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