just tell him i said nine months
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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