yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone came in the potted fern
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
