I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
