why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
