either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
