I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
