he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
