so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
