maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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