Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
