Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
