I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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