you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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