I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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