Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
