I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
