If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
