Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
