is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
