I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All the doctor said was why
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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