with your own penis?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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