it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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