If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize