oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
