just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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