so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
