Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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