so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
