just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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