I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
