I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize