So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
