Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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