happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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