hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
