The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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