So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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