I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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