It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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