butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
