bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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