Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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