Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
