Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize