He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
